Posted by Walls Need Love on 12/30/2011

I had launched four new listings to set up my vinyl wall design--I mean, custom wall painting and calligraphy business. Using Craigslist, I posted them as:

Wonderful Wacky Wall Art
Delicate Divine Wall Designs
Custom Created Wall Curiosities
Novel Nuances for Nurseries and Nooks

After the first customer for Wonderful Wacky Wall Art, I was a little nervous while waiting for the next call. Then I told myself, sure, anybody can get a seriously weird customer. That doesn't mean all your calls will be from strange people. I waited but no calls came. It's a tough year to launch a new business.

My cell phone finally rang and I snatched it out of my pocket. "Good afternoon," I said. "How may I help you?"

"Is this Novel Nuances for Nurseries and Nooks?" intoned a pleasant female voice. "Are you really able to 'transform' plain walls with original designs and calligraphy?"

"You have called the right place," I replied, trying not to sound too eager. "What did you have in mind?"

"I am expecting my first offspring module and would like a lovely design for the nursery," said my caller.

This would surely be an easy assignment. How could it go wrong? Although "first offspring module" is a strange way to refer to a baby. Still, I knew that WallsNeedLove.com would come through with great nursery wall decals that I could put to good use. I made sure there were plenty of examples of nursery decals--er, paintings--in my portfolio. We set an appointment to meet the next day.

At 9:00 the following morning, I grabbed my portfolio and set out following the customer's directions. The address she gave was about a mile away from the little town of Holmes, which was close to Shepherdsville. Again, the house was hidden by trees but the driveway was evenly covered with gravel.

I had never seen a home quite like the one at the end of this drive. Built from some sort of metal, it gleamed in the morning sun. The house was an odd shape, too, round and sort of flat likewell, I'd say it was a flying saucer but I don't believe in those things.

Theuhwoman(?) who answered my knock was very tall, about 8 feet or so, and her skin was a shiny pale green color. Silvery hair covered her head. I was certainly surprised by this. She was quite obviously pregnant, though.

"Um," I said by way of conversation, "how long have you lived in the neighborhood?"

"Not long. We only landeduhmoved this week," she replied. "Let me show you the nursery."
The room was painted black. I am not kidding. "What sort of design would you like?" I asked, offering my portfolio. Thank heaven, I thought, for those nursery decals.

"Thank you, but I've already eaten," said the lady. Oh boy.

After a little conversation, we decided that the night sky nursery decals--uh, paintings--would be ideal. I arranged to come back with paints in one week. This would give me plenty of time to get the nursery wall decals delivered.

Nobody's gonna believe this, I thought, as I hurriedly left. Maybe in addition to the revenue from this job, I can earn a few extra bucks by offering National Inquirer an exclusive on the story.